1. |
Woburn, MA
05:13
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i just feel so fucking divorced
can't take this shit
too much shit to take
disorder is a surrogate for personality
my fall from grace was laced with misandry
excruciating reveries
more intrusive than acid-flashback phantasms
trauma darkens hearts
even unity is a clever authority's cynical calculus
trendy lords, eager to forge a fruitful host
composed of conformist constituents
it's alienation and it keeps our beds equipped
with perpetually wide-eyed occupants
to be received by the arbiters of fashion
one must deviate from the ubiquitous and the banal
yet every time i finance a subculture
aligned in opposition to the populous
with that same useless pursuit, i casually sign the death warrant
of my invaluable eccentricities
abandon your dictatorship just to enlist in a comparable autocracy
only this time delight in more colorful statues and absolutes
this town is a mirror for my obsequiousness
days turned hades and they never change
my art is violence sans personal vendettas
codified malware for francoist documents
order begets slaughter
every perfect massacre gleams with oligarchical horrors
no act more noble than sketching distress
unto unsuspecting flesh
a coming out party
for an anarcho-syndicalist
child, there's plenty of surrender
to drag your obedient feet through
every voter shares the malcontent
of eviscerated potential
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2. |
Billerica, MA
03:38
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blames herself for the abuse he created
i blame my deficient omnipresence
any idea what that does to a marriage?
picture razor blades between fingers and nails
i can't stop this vivid savagery
daydreams of wondrous gore
funny how trauma
unlocks the sadist's prison door
lay a hand on her
and that's the first part of you i burn
but by no means the last
"why pursue violence" they say
"i mean, what does it even accomplish?"
i don't know,
maybe i finally gain a wink of sleep
maybe she and i embrace
and dance on top of his sorry corpse
if you find god
wont you convey a message for me
wont you explain to him the depths
the extent of my resentments?
this doesn't end in resolve
who are you to judge my confessions?
you who put "good" and "evil" in quotation marks
i know what you're about
and it's grotesque
we share veins and heirlooms
and our hand-me-downs have turned varicose
i swear on my life
no one will touch her again
we sleep with a glock 30 sf
and we wear knife wounds for eyelids
i have not the heart for desertion
but loathing just arrives
so naturally
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3. |
Tewksbury, MA
03:22
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my old man is a dust bowl
he doesn't want to know me,
but we share a lust
for the girls in my high-school
and a propensity for
aggressive behavior
my step dad was a biker
now he's a machine shop sloth
he's got a mean left hook
and a temper
shorter than his sober time
my mom is a drunk
that's about all there is
to say about her
my sister is a soft goth
who traded her father's god
for online astrology charlatans
my brother is a dealer
abuse is the only thing in his life
relating to substance
we live in tewksbury
where failure is a habit
and all of our pleasures are guilty
they don't want to talk about free will
they don't want to talk about beauty
all they want to talk about are
sports and gossip and coupons
i want to live a long life
only so one day i may
dance on their wholesome graves
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4. |
Salem, NH
05:30
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struck gold first time my hammer met iron
my incandescent vessel of expression
love of my life, smithing
will carry my resonance in death
as she did in life
such a love exposed from this hollow eremite
provoked by an unlikely metal despot
the bouquet of a maple workshop
the soldering of me to ancient machines
aided the transfer of my prolific aches
into timeless beauty
an isolationist's homage
masochism did smile at my symphonic purge of despair
and i smiled back at her
from my agony, i planted harsh hyacinths
and jet-black ivies
forged was my garden of hurt
taking to yellow-brick turnpikes, my repurposed grief
one fatal day my back pain led me to a percocet armageddon
and skirmishes with the sauce
on again, off again, on and off again, etc.
with meandering covered-wagon temperance
now i haunt flea fairs and trade markets
i have not learned to flourish without a proud outlet
and i am forbidden from putrid envy
when you bare the scars of war with yourself
you can ruminate,
you can lose yourself to regress,
you can build a temple to repression,
staple your worries to another's torso,
hitch a ferry ride down the amazon
towards a self-aggrandizing mission,
or you can craft yourself a blushing bride
by mastering a wrought vocation
i am survived by the beautiful wounds
she left behind
those who greet art with indifference
are spared terminal anguish
but are denied a certain immortalizing ascendancy
bleed all your sorrows into
a narrow, glass prison
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5. |
Cambridge, MA
04:46
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we kings of only grief
never dream, always sleep deeply
we find relief
in macabre hobbies
vituperative, barroom utterances
torture porn so inglorious
it would make dostoevsky's black-pilled pen
torpedo from a scribbled parchment
and burrow in his bloated throat
this fucking hell haven, man
scandals of incalculable savagery
might just change your apathy to an ethos
before you even realize
all it takes is one harsh new england snow
without enough oil in your furnace
suddenly you're a gladiator
dressed in fascist escutcheon
a soldier in the war against your own interests
clearly blind to bitter irony
eager to build a thrilling denouement
since the previous acts were so profoundly
ordinary
i laugh at the meaning behind your tattoos
because your life has none
perc 30s in an altoid tin
split horizons with infinite sin
i'd let said sin dissolve
for a scrap of your love
dives
dives where old men go to die
that's where i'll be hanging my
carhartt to rest
and someday
my depressed, red-bearded neck
you're a specimen to behold
a final lecture in the teachings of "bright and bold"
you can craft my effigy
with the empty cans in my bedroom
tall boys as vacant as
this shrunken man
if i spat in your direction
would you even notice me?
could you even separate my voice
from the clouds of townie clamor in the pool hall?
i'm indistinguishable
i thought i was
the glistening peacock
i'm the gull stealing scraps by the docks
i thought i was autonomy
if you ask for my name,
i'll sign in cryptic cursive
so you can never
look me up for a joke
i have always politely caressed the persuasive lips
of middle-aged failure
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